Flashback: IJ and S's First Trip to the Dentist

Today IJ wanted to know exactly how old he was when he said his first word.  I pulled out his baby book and came across a written account of the boys' first trip to the dentist.  The kids and I really enjoyed reading it together (in other words, I laughed so hard I almost stopped breathing) and I am so glad I wrote it down...because it all happened in the days before my blog... and if the house burned down we would never remember the incident.  So sit back and relax and enjoy another hilarious episode of The D Family Show...

The boys were 3 and 2 years old and E was not yet three months old.  IJ was in the phase where he enjoyed talking to people at the store and embarrassing me.  S was carrying his Thomas trains everywhere and had just potty-trained.   *Warning: In the interest of full disclosure, the following post includes potty talk and mention of bodily functions.  This is what I wrote (edited for spelling and punctuation):

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Our first dentist appointment was on Valentine's Day at 8:30 in the morning.  It was a chilly morning and I knew that I had to start getting us out the door an hour before we had to leave.  The boys needed hats, scarves, jackets, shoes, socks, and gloves!  They each had to find their travel toys!  I had to bundle the baby, find the diaper bag, make sure I had our insurance cards, snacks, and everything we needed for Playtime at Good News afterward.  We made it to Dr. Kimberley's office right on time.

The waiting room had a big fish tank and lots of toys.  We marched in wearing our warm winter clothes, perfectly organized, under control, and holding hands.  People smiled at us.  IJ told the receptionist he had fire in his tummy because he was a dragon.  We were ushered into the New Patient Room where I proceeded to change E's first poopy diaper.  I filled out paperwork while our nurse Diane introduced IJ and S to the dentist chair and tools and showed them how to brush a giant stuffed horse's teeth.  The room was great for little kids.  Legos, puzzles, toys, books, and stickers were available for play.

But then we had to wait.  And wait.  And wait.  The main dental hygienist had broken her leg the week before and Dr. Kimberley had to take up the slack.  He was running behind and the time was only 9:00.  Our little group slowly dissolved into chaos.  E needed to nurse.  IJ had to go potty, "right now!"  In the bathroom, IJ announced loudly that his "pee was blowing bubbles."  S got worried and left the room to come looking for us.  When we got back inside, E fell asleep after fussing.  Then S wanted to "poop-a-potty."  I handed E off to the nurse and I took him to the bathroom where he refused to go and IJ got worried about being left behind.

We waited some more.  IJ and S fought over who got to push the buttons on the dentist chair.  They both scared the nurse by climbing on the rolling spinning chairs.  S jumped off all the chairs-he is S, that is what he does.  IJ pulled all the stickers off the roll so he could see all the pictures.  The nurse gave them their new toothbrushes.  They got chewed on, thrown, and confiscated.  S started throwing the little hand-held mirrors over the big light attached to the dentist chair saying, "Cow-a-bunt-a-moon!" (S-speak for the cow jumps over the moon)  The nurse tried to show them how to open their mouth so the dentist could count their teeth.  Both locked their jaws.

And we waited longer and longer.  I got tired of correcting naughty/bored little boy behavior so I let them alone.  I decided that the havoc wreaked on the office was their own fault for making 2 and 3 year old boys wait so long.  IJ and S got thirsty.  Diane filled cups of water five times each.  S figured out how to work the motion sensor on the water and helped himself-and spilled!

Finally Dr. Kimberley came in wearing a pink shirt.  IJ said, "My teeth are killing me!  Pink is my favorite color.  This is the sign for color (signs "colors" in sign language).  This is my brother, S.  I have a baby sister.  Her name is Jumping Jelly Bean."  When we finally got to the teeth part of the dentist trip, the boys actually behaved, opened their mouths, and let the dentist examine their teeth.  E pooped again.

After S got his fluoride treatment, we packed up all of our gear.  I'm totally overheated and sweaty by this time.  We went to the Prize Room to get pictures taken and pick out a prize for each boy.  The boys didn't have any patience left and I didn't either.  They wouldn't stand still for pictures.  IJ stole prize coins from the drawer and wouldn't give them back.  S threw himself on the floor getting ready for a tantrum.  And this whole time I'm juggling my jacket, a diaper bag, and a fussy baby who pooped again.  I tell IJ I am counting to TWO and he better give the money back.  Yes, I have his fish prize. S get up-let's go to your trains! NO, I don't need a tour of the rest of the office (I finally have the 3 kids to the front desk). I'll CALL to make the next appointment. We have to leave NOW...sigh... We got in the van, ate some grapes, changed the poopy diaper.  And it was only 10:28.  S was asleep by playtime and I was exhausted.

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Now, five years later, what have I learned?  I never dress the kids or myself for the weather.  We will only be cold for the time we need to get from the door to when the van heats up.  I'm not going to carry everyone's jackets- or mine!  Yesterday it was 32 degrees while we ran errands for four hours (that's right, four hours), went to swim lessons, and then Cub Scouts.  IJ and E wore shorts.  D was barefoot.

I don't pack a giant bag full of "waiting room activities."  If they don't behave now, they ain't gonna-until we take a trip to the van to reinforce what listening means.  People stop me in Costco every time I go to tell me how well-behaved my children are and what a beautiful family I have.  I pay them (the kids) handsomely for these compliments in the form of hot dogs, pizza, and ice cream.  

Another thing I have learned is that it really and truly takes me an hour to get the kids out the door.  Days like yesterday take longer.  So once we are done doing breakfast and morning chores, I get the boys started on their independent workbooks while I start relocating the little kids' stuff.  Because no matter how many times you teach your child to put their shoes in their shoebox or hang up their towel, when it is time to go some two year old or baby wandered off with them somewhere. 

This post has gotten too long, so I will leave you with this: the most recent thing I learned is tonic water (or toxic water-thanks to my little buddy G Man) is awesome at the end of the day.  It tastes AWFUL, but the quinine soothes my aches and pains from wearing a 23 pound baby while pushing a several hundred pound (not kidding) Costco shopping cart uphill in the parking lot.  And then wrestling said baby next to a pool for an hour while managing the comings and goings of four children in swim suits.  And then Cub Scouts.  That trip to the dentist five years ago was child's  play compared to what I do today!