M and I welcomed our 10th anniversary in a very special way last night...
We had just fallen asleep after another long Tuesday. It was approximately 11:30 PM.
Me (sitting upright): I hear something!
M (jumping awake): WHAT?
Me:....Animal sounds!
(The night before I woke M in a similar manner because a coyote howled in the pasture)
M: (grumpy pause) What kind of animal sounds? Elephants? Tigers?
Me: Chicken sounds. Like when I pick them up after they fall asleep outside the coop and I shove them back in the coop door! Like something is bothering them while they sleep!
M: I don't hear anything.
Me: Open the window!
M: And let all the heat out?
Me: There's no heat in here!
M: (opens window) I don't hear anything. Wait. I hear something in the bushes. Fine, I'll go see.
M takes the flashlight and the Pathetic Doberman outside. I try to watch from the window. I see the light swing around and hear a shout. My heart starts thumping! What's going on? Is Pathetic Doberman fighting a wild animal? Is M hurt? I cower under the blankets until M returns.
Me: I'm just keeping your spot warm for you.
M: Right. Well, it was a raccoon. You were right. Something was out there
Me: (thinking to myself, "Could you say that over and over? And over again? I'm right!")
Dear Mr. Raccoon,
You should know better than to cause trouble outside the window of a mother of five. Don't you know I never sleep? I'm always listening for little noises? And don't you know my dear husband will shoot you the next time you pull one of our chickens out of the coop at night? And we will happily deprive you of your meal if you leave an injured, but still living rooster at the scene of the crime? We were going to eat that rooster anyway.
The Management
And by the way, the raccoon was in the chicken yard. He climbed over the fence, reached inside the coop door, and grabbed the first chicken on the perch. The bush noises were the chicken flapping in the yard. Predator season is upon us! After the adrenaline rush, M and I could not sleep. We stayed up drinking tea and welcomed our 10th anniversary in style!
