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Okay, here are some random thoughts that have been swirling around my head this weekend... My thoughts are like separate colors of paint that have been combined into a big ole swirl. You can see the separate colors, but when they are all mixed up they make a muddy picture that is sometimes hard to see... so it is hard to me to separate my thoughts out of the swirl and onto a piece of paper (or screen). So bear with me...
I'm almost always thinking about God and religion and the best way to get my kids to know God. It is easy for those who believe the Bible is the one and only Word of God, pure and perfect in the written form, published and bound between two book covers, to walk into church and teach their kids, "It's in the Bible. Believe it or you're going to hell. If it isn't in the Bible, it isn't true or doesn't exist and if you believe that it is true or does exist, you are going to hell." I believe God spoke to people through all times and geographic regions, and did not limit His glory to the Middle East in ancient times. I don't believe that God stopped speaking and inspiring in the 1600's when King James commissioned a group of professionals to translate and assemble the best writings into one Book. I believe that God speaks to us, all of us, today and will continue to do so. I believe that anyone can be inspired to write like Paul for the purpose of uplifting, instructing, and supporting people in their religious walks. I believe that anyone can prophetize (and be right) like Elijah.
One of my favorite Sunday School songs was the Joy, Joy, Joy song. Now I love the song even more because I can sing, "Lula Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy Downen my heart!" I've forgotten some of the verses, but I heard one of our friends sing a verse that I incorrectly heard as, "I've got the peace of passive understanding down in my heart." What? I don't want PASSIVE understanding. I want to ACTIVELY understand. What kind of mindless robots are the churches turning kids into with that passive nonsense? I had to look that verse up on the internet...yeah, I totally remembered it wrong. It is "I've got the peace that PASSES understanding..." That is what I want. The peace that passes understanding. You don't have to explain, debate, or rationalize anything about God, Jesus, the Bible, recorded history, science, evolution... just have the peace in your heart that is so awesome you don't have to understand it.
The day I realized what "grace" meant, I was practically knocked sideways. I always thought grace referred to being graceful like a ballerina in a floaty sort of way. When I realized that God's grace was something completely different...when I realized that grace could also be giving someone something nice whether they deserved it OR NOT...it was like my mind blew wide open. I was given grace from God and I didn't do anything to earn it. I didn't deserve it. But it was there and I accepted it. And ever since then, through my ups and downs, I've tried to be deserving of it. Tried is the key word because I am not perfect-I'm flawed like every other human out there.
Yesterday Daniel threw this amazingly huge temper tantrum. He is two. He was tired. He was hungry. His dad had been gone for four days and had just got home. It was too much for his little mind and body. He kicked, he screamed, he even scratched! We needed to get him down for a nap. Naps for tantruming two year olds are like giant reset buttons. He was not going to go down easy though. I had to hold him, both to keep him from scratching and kicking me and to keep him in the bed. He screamed and screamed and screamed and when he took a breath, I would tell him I loved him. He is beginning to understand that "I love you" is the phrase that goes with snuggling, hugging, and kissing, so even though he screamed, "NOOOOO!" I knew he got it. He knew that although he had these huge nasty feelings exploding out of him, my holding was not a punishing restraint, but a loving restraint. On the next breath I said, "I'm going to let go of you now...one...two...three....okay. You're done." He screamed, "NO! Don't let go!" flipped over, and hugged me tight around my neck. I said I loved him again and held him until he was asleep a minute later.
While I held him, I understood that THIS is how I bring my children to know and understand God. By showing them grace. By holding them and loving them when they tantrum. By whispering I love them while they take a deep breath to scream again. Our sins are just like a two year old's temper tantrum. Adults just don't kick and scream out loud (usually) while they are saying, "I don't want to love my neighbor! I don't want to turn the other cheek! I don't want to turn away from sinful behavior-it feels too good!" But God still holds us all and whispers in our hearts that He loves us and will let us go to try again to make the right choice. Boy, how many times have I thought angrily that there is no way I was going to do things God's way? But the minute He lets me go I turn around and say, "Don't let go of me!" That is the peace that passes understanding-the peace that settles my heart just like the two year old that settles down for his nap.
My children are leading me closer to God, just when I think I'm the one leading them.
