When S won the Pinewood Derby he just stood there and smiled. I asked him later why he didn't jump up and down and shout, "I won!" He told me it was because he didn't want to be "prideful" and a "sore winner." Last night, at our Cub Scout pack meeting, the cubmaster made a comment about how S probably didn't even know he won. Like he was too spaced out to notice that he was the one holding the trophy. Yes, S is spacey. But he isn't that bad. I was happy to recount my conversation with S for the cubmaster and yes, I was being "prideful" about my son's behavior. And I could just see that look in his eye...that You have got to be kidding me. You think you are so perfect. You make me sick. Goody two-shoe. You are screwing your kids up by keeping them home. Wait until they get in the "real" world... look. I know that look. I feel that vibe from other people too.
"I don't want to keep my hands out of the dishwasher! It will take you months to train me to obey!"
This morning I heard IJ ask S if he had any friends that are nice to him "all the time instead of just some of the time." The people they listed don't live here, they live in our old home town.
I also heard from a parent of a friend of IJ's that IJ told his friend that he wouldn't keep money he found on the ground because taking money that doesn't belong to you is stealing, even if you don't know who owns the money. The parent acted like that was weird and IJ had some crazy notion about honesty.
"All that training wore me out. I was ready for a nap anyway."
Today D wouldn't keep his hands out of the dishwasher while I loaded dirty dishes. I followed the same routine I've used for years to teach my kids to stay out of the dishwasher when I'm putting dirty dishes in. Teach? Train? Really, what is the difference? Is it really that bad to train your kids to listen and obey? Obey the first time? That there are consequences to actions? And the consequences aren't always rewards (like the Cub Scout who sassed the leader until he was assigned a job to keep him busy and out of trouble-the job was running the microphone and being the star of the show)? Is it really wrong of us (M and I) to have standards and want our children to act decently? And to want the main influences in their lives to also behave decently? Adults and children alike? And people who cannot behave themselves, especially adults, really shouldn't be the main influence for our children? Really, is that bad?
Sweet Little Hands
It isn't like we want to keep them completely cut off from the rest of the world and not give them the important "life lessons" they would learn from kids in the school yard. We do send them to Cub Scouts. But one would think that the people in Scouts would also be "trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent." (The Scout Law) or at least trying to be. Instead, we are finding that the scouts-at least here- are not really that. They are more like the rest of the "normal" people out there.
There was a man at the Pinewood Derby who complained to me about the temperature of his coffee. This guy claims to be an Eagle Scout. He was insulting and rude. I kept listening to his rant, waiting for the punch line. This guy couldn't possibly be serious. But he was. The nice part of me almost apologized and offered to help him find a hot cup of coffee. But the tired-of-people part of me took over and said, "Why are you telling me this? Did you want ME to make you a new cup?" with an obnoxious look on my face. This knocked him off guard. Maybe he is used to people cowing to his bullying (I've seen how he treats his stepson). "Well, you ARE part of the committee that put this together!" he said. "Actually, I am not. I am not wearing a uniform. I am holding a baby on my hip. And I am here as a parent. But I can show you who is the coffee maker." Turns out the coffee wasn't done brewing. The light hadn't turned green yet.
"Those were crocodile tears, by the way."
So yes. I am training my children. And teaching them that they will struggle everyday with people of all ages wherever they go. Because not all people were well trained. Or even trained at all.
