There I was, wandering through Costco with three kids aged six and under hanging off the cart and a four month old baby in my sling. If shopping-with-kids-in-tow were an Olympic sport, I'd get a gold medal. Lunchtime had come and gone while we were in Walmart and we were starving and getting a little crazy. I decided that instead of eating nasty hot dogs at the food court, we would feast on free samples for lunch. So we took our time going up and down the aisles, sampling Monster here and organic carrot juice there. We stopped for some freshly baked brownies that were still very hot. I warned my children to let them cool, but alas, Evie did not, and spit her brownie on the floor after burning her mouth. I scolded her for not listening and making a mess, picked up the brownie, reclaimed the uneaten portion, and stashed both in my cart.
The next aisle had a fantastic display of fresh fruits and vegetables of all kinds! The man demonstrating the Vita-Mix instantly grabbed my attention. "You there, you're a mother! With the Vita-Mix 5200, you can make your own baby food for a fraction of the cost! And it will be all natural food! Do you have picky eaters? With this special technology, your children will never know they are eating vegetables! This smoothie right here has cabbage and carrots in it!" I'm thinking, "Wow, I wonder if my husband will eat more veggies this way???" And then I was hooked. I stood there, sampling different smoothies, sorbets, and blends of all kinds! I handed samples down to my children, which they greedily consumed and wanted more of. Of course I could see how much fruit and honey he was adding, and one can make cardboard taste delicious that way. But I wasn't going to blow his cover. Anyway, we were a demonstrators dream. I started asking questions. "What is the difference between your Vita-Mix and a regular blender? Can you blend whole flax seeds? Do the ice cubes stay chunky or do they blend smooth?" Between my questions and his answers, we were gathering quite a crowd. And then he pulled out a zucchini.
I nearly died. Not because he was going to show me how to sneak more zucchini into my family. Oh no. I nearly died because I looked down and realized one of my children had disappeared!!!! "Where's Evie?" I asked my boys. They looked around as if they had just woken from hypnosis. She wasn't visible anywhere. I started to panic. People who had been watching the Vita-Mix also started to worry. Pretty soon people were running up and down aisles looking for a two year old girl wearing a flowered shirt and pink shorts. Even Vita-Mix Man left his station and searched (I think he felt a little responsible). A Costco employee found her in the way back, near the toilet paper. She wasn't scared or crying (like her mother was). She just looked annoyed. And like any good mother who had just located her missing child, I scooped her up, baby and all, and put her in the cart for safe keeping. "Okay, tell me about this zucchini," I tell Vita-Mix Man.
After a wheat grass shot, I found out how expensive the special blender was. I called Mark to see if I could buy it anyway. He told me to come home after he exclaimed, "You're still there?" So I went home and made my family a blended drink of zucchini, pineapple juice, shredded coconut, and a banana. And ice cubes. In my old blender. And it was good.
After this special treat, I confessed to Mark that I had lost our child while shopping (which is one of his biggest fears). I had spent the morning telling Ian about honesty and always telling the truth to his parents, even if someone tells him not to tell us. I thought about telling my boys not to tell Daddy their sister got lost, but my guilty conscience got the better of me. What kind of parent would I be if I told them not to tell on me? A hypocrite, that's what! So I told and
thankfully, Mark is busy getting ready for another trip into the mountains, another night teaching Taekwondo, and another Mason meeting, so he didn't have time to get too mad. Whew!And why did Evie wander off? That is the one million dollar question. Apparently, she wanted her brownie back and decided she was going to go back to where she got it and get another one.
Three for three... what is it with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?
